I’ve been having some issues with my wi-fi for several days now. And by having some issues I mean I haven’t had any wi-fi. First world problem, I know, so I’m not really here to whine about that.
But I am here to talk about something that I’ve noticed lately about myself.
I’ve never been one to scream and yell at customer service reps who are doing their best to help me out. (Ok, almost never.) My mind almost always goes to motive — why would someone be doing the thing they’re doing?
For customer service reps, I can scarcely imagine that they have a personal interest in making me unhappy.
So, for the most part, I’m polite and pleasant even when I’m frustrated.
But that last part is the thing I’ve noticed lately. I feel less… frustrated, less internal rage even when I’m not able to get the resolution that I want. Less upset. Less stewing on the issue. Less feeling like I “lost” and they “won.” Less fantasizing about how I will eventually extract my revenge by driving this company that I now loathe with all my soul out of business. (<<< OK, that part’s a bit over the top.)
It’s not that I’m not frustrated in my effort to get the Internet service I’m paying for, because I am. It’s that I have come to a place where I can experience that kind of frustration without allowing it to escalate into hotter emotions.
In talking with my friend Sandra about this, I was wondering if that ability to maintain some inner calm in the face of life’s smaller challenges is a result of wisdom or my efforts at mindfulness. She (wisely) pointed out that it could be both.
That led to a further conversation about how wisdom is not a natural, automatic reward for growing older.
Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
~ Garrison Keilor
Rather, wisdom may be the result of efforts that we make to learn. In my case with the wi-fi, it’s about recognizing when I’m angry about something I can’t control — even when I appear calm, cool, and collected on the outside.
I’ve learned that through my efforts at mindfulness, studying Buddhism, practicing yoga, and living more healthfully. I’ve also learned by metaphorically slapping myself upside the head by simply asking why I’m doing something and what I am getting out of my process/feeling/actions.
I’m not suggesting that I’m trying to learn to ignore situations that frustrate me, but rather to see them more objectively. In fact, ignoring the situation while internally seething it has been my MO in the past and what I’m working to overcome.
Now, I want to be able to advocate for what I need/want, but do so without becoming agitated inside regardless of the outcome.
It feels much better to accept what is, knowing that I’ve done everything I can do. Where in the past I would have “accepted” it on the outside, inside I wasn’t feeling that.
I think this new-ish approach shows on the outside, too. In another recent customer service experience that did not go smoothly, a rep actually thanked me for “being so kind.”
At any rate, this has me thinking about wisdom and how we develop it. I’ve seen some research that I need time to dig through and process, but it’s an interesting rabbit hole to go down.
As for my current issue — sure, no Internet service for a week is inconvenient, but there are plenty of places other than my home where I can access the Internet. And I can do it without allowing anger to impact my own peace.
